The Weekly Forecast - Humid Tropical

Humid Tropical 
I will start things off with what I assume would be the majority of people's first choice, the tropics. Hey, If you are going to have to battle zombies you might as well do it on a beach with a nice tan right? So besides being golden brown while you brain a zombie what other benefits and disadvantages does trying to survive here bring

Benefits:

Heat: If you’ve ever forgotten those hotdogs on the bbq for a day or two during a summer drink fest then you know what I’m talking about. The main reason the tropics are the tropics is because of the intense heat. I’m sure zombies don’t really care if they get a burn, but when they start cooking it could be an entirely different situation. That and things tend to go rotten a hell of a lot faster when it’s hot. It definitely won't stop them from showing up at your door, but it may slow them down enough to give you a bit of a advantage

Islands:  Another thing that well represents the tropics, are the vast amounts of islands that litter the area. There was a reason that castles had motes. Water forms a pretty decent natural barrier, and most islands come with one hell of a moat built in. It’s a pretty solid natural defence system and requires little to no work to create. I’m sure a few zombies may eventually wash up on the shores but with a little diligence they really wouldn’t be a problem.

Swamps: The tropics are a perfect recipe for creating swampland. Don’t believe me? Go to Florida and look around. One of the main problems with swamps, is they are hard as hell to travel through. Mud, water, vegetation, it all makes for some pretty slow progress. Toss a mindless zombie into that mess and soon enough it will become a permanent fixture of the area. If you can’t kill something the next best thing is incapacitating it and swamps are a natural zombie trap.

Population: This really depends on where you are but in this climate, there are plenty of areas that have a very low population density. There are however some that are extremely high, but I’m hoping that anyone with a brain left in their head would avoid those areas at all cost. All in all I would say there would be much less zombies to worry about than the mainland. Plus many of the humid tropical locations are islands, which means the population is what it is. There won't be many zombies wandering in from another area unless they somehow learn to float

Disadvantages:

Heat: As much as this may help it will also hinder. There are the obvious worries of surviving somewhere with a warm climate, but how does it affect you when zombies are involved? The warmer it tends to get the less clothing people wear. The less clothing you wear the less protection you have. It seems like a fantastic idea to build yourself the ultimate zombie suit, made up of sports equipment and police riot gear. However if you pass out from dehydration 10 min after putting it on you may have to rethink things. Basically you need to find that fine line between protection and not turning yourself into a sauna.

Islands: Another double edged sword. Mostly islands would be pretty fantastic at keeping the zombies at bay. However if one managed to slip through the defenses and things got out of control it makes it much harder to escape.

Weapons: Once you go beyond the all inclusive resorts and tourist traps, many tropical locals don’t have a lot of money and resources. Finding a weapon ironically, probably wouldn't be too hard as they are also known for a lot of violence, However trying to find a good quality weapon could be a big issue. Chances are whatever you manage to scrounge up will either be old, broken, or a crazy MacGyver contraption.

Terrain: Tropical terrain can be unforgiving. We usually just see the beaches and nicely groomed paths, but we forget that once you step off the resort you're into jungle. With a pack of zombies breathing down your neck, getting away could become harder than you would like. There are unlimited amounts of things that could cause major problems for you, that really wouldn’t do much to a zombie at all. Thorns, dangerous plants, deadly animals, there is a pretty long list. Having a poisonous snake hanging off your ass as you try and run away is going to put a pretty large damper on things, for a zombie, it really just becomes a fashion accessory.

Verdict: 

It’s the Tropics! Really if you’re going to have to try and scratch out an existence during a Zombie Apocalypse this is probably the place you want to do it. I didn’t touch on this because it isn’t the point of this post, but take away all the zombies and bring this down to just basic survival, and a tropical island is a pretty easy bet. I also found it pretty hard to come up with some solid disadvantages. So I guess what I’m saying is if the Zombie shit hits the fan, it means it’s time to take a apocalyptic vacation

The Weekly Forecast

So I just returned from vacation, hence the lack of posts, and while I was lying in the sun, I got thinking about how much the climate would play a pretty integral part of Z-Survival. Depending on where you live could drastically alter your plan. Not only would you be worrying about zombies but you would have to take into account the elements and indigenous life.

Right now with all the comforts we are accustomed to, basic survival for most people is pretty damn easy. Thirsty? turn on the tap. Hungry? Open the fridge. Sick? Google your symptoms, panic because Web MD says you're going to die, race to the Dr’s and find out it’s indigestion, it’s all pretty easy. With our current technology and knowledge we can easily turn some pretty inhospitable locations into a decent place to live. But take away those advantages and ask yourself how long before you were braving the roads to find an easier place to call home.

A lot of things would change post zombie outbreak, but climates shouldn’t be one of them. I suppose during the anarchy something terrible like a nuclear launch could happen that could alter things, but if that was the case you’re screwed anyways so worrying about how to deal with zombies wouldn’t really be a problem now would it. So we are going to say the environment pretty much stays intact, and I’ll  take a look at how location changes your survival techniques, by working my way through each climate in separate posts

I’m not going to dive into the basic human needs like, shelter, food, sleep etc. Those needs are the same regardless of what situation you are trying to survive, zombies or no. I’m only going to focus on what changes when you DO add zombies to the mix. What do you need to modify or implement in certain environments because there are zombies wandering around everywhere. How does the weekly forecast affect your survival chances and what benefits or disadvantages does it bring.

Before I start things off it’s important to realize that surviving hinges a lot on being able to adapt to your surroundings. This skill thankfully is not part of a zombies repertoire. They keep plodding along with the same intent regardless of where they are or what’s around them. They are pretty resilient, but not beyond the reach of mother nature, and each climate would effect them differently. This is one of our major advantages. In the next few posts I’ll break down how big of an advantage living in certain climates can give you

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #2

Walkers are nature lovers:

So I guess walkers are extreme nature lovers. They must like nothing more than going for hikes through the woods, exploring corn fields, frolicking in meadows, pretty much being one with nature… Then trying to eat it. This would be the only explanation as to why there are so many of them, miles away from any civilization strolling through the woods. 

Every time any character enters the forest, within minutes there is at least one walker that goes strolling by and more often than not they show a hoard making their way past as well. I’ve been in my share of forests, and I can tell you, you really don’t run into many people. The human population tends to congregate around urban developments. The closer you get to the city, the higher the population density becomes. So it stands to reason that when people start dying and turning into walkers that the vast majority of them will be in urban settings. Not forests and corn fields! 

So my question is, why during the show is the population density of walkers in the rural Georgian forests, higher than downtown Tokyo? I do understand that a few walkers would eventually make their way into the forest, perhaps following a food source or just by happenstance their mindless wandering took them there. But the vast majority would still be wandering around main street looking for something to munch on. There really isn’t any reason for them to travel hundreds of miles to a forest and then just start wandering around in it, it just doesn't make sense. 

From what we've learned walkers are attracted by noise, potential food, and other walkers. This can be found aplenty in the city, not so much in the woods. You should be able to walk for hours, miles, hell even days through the forest post apocalypse without finding a walker. Yet on the show you can find one every 20 feet. Speaking of walking, zombies tend to always take the path of least resistance, and I can tell you, forests aren’t the easiest place to traverse, 

I can hear a bunch of people arguing already. ”There are so many zombies in the city that the food source has been eaten, so they made their way into the forests to hunt”. Allow me to retort. There is a reason that hunters use high powered rifles with scopes that can zoom in on a deers arse hair from 500 feet. Wild animals aren’t that easy to catch, personally I’ve never heard of a hunter taking out a deer or hell even a raccoon with their bare hands. Take away reasoning and general coordination and I’m thinking walkers aren't much of a threat to the indigenous wildlife. 

So I guess I’ll need to start paying more attention to the walkers in the show. Maybe I’ll see an “How to Identify Birds” book in one of their pockets, or one will have binoculars around it’s neck and be eating granola. I suppose it’s possible that walkers really are nature lovers. 

`

Tools of the Trade

Like many things in life having the right tool for the job is essential. Trying to twist a screw into a wall using a butter knife is possible, but why would you want to. Also knowing what is required to complete the job, can be just as important as having the right tool. You may know you need to put a screw into a wall, so you grab a screwdriver. However the screw is 3 inches long and you have to screw it into hardwood. I imagine unless you have wrists like Popeye you're going to be wishing you grabbed a drill instead.

Weapons essentially are just tools used to get a job done, a much more gory, mind altering job than normal, but a job none the less. So when you’re picking out a weapon to use against zombies having an understanding of what needs to be done is extremely important.
There is a massive difference between fighting a zombie and, well… anything else and this needs to be understood before you put together your wish list of weapons.

Most people when asked what weapon they would choose immediately go with the bigger the better theory. They picture themselves like Schwarzenegger in Terminator with a chain gun mowing their way through a field of zombies. Sounds good in theory, but when you start thinking about it, you quickly realize that it won’t really work, and here is why.

To explain this and to keep things simple we will compare apples to rotten apples or humans to zombies. The main difference between fighting a human and a zombie is obviously the “one of them is dead” thing. So tactics and weapons that work quite well on a normal living human can be pretty useless against a zombie. A human can be killed in anyone of a number of ways. A gunshot wound to almost anywhere on the body if not treated fairly quickly has the ability to kill. Hit a major organ and it can happen almost immediately, hit an artery and they could bleed out. Hell a gunshot wound to your big toe could kill you if you don’t take care of it and it becomes infected. So a fully automatic weapon against people can be pretty devastating. Now this same weapon against a zombie, not so much. As we have learned the only real way to permanently stop a zombie is to destroy the brain. Unloading a full clip into the their torso may slow them down a bit, but besides making them leak when they eat, it really won’t affect them. They don’t feel pain, so a shot to the leg won’t cripple them unless you manage to destroy the bone to the point that it can no longer support their weight. The “spray and pray” technique so commonly used with fully automatic weapons just won’t cut it. I’m sure a few stray bullets will find their mark and take out a few zombies but really, you are just wasting precious ammo.

This thought process is pretty universal for all weapons when dealing with zombies. It’s more about precision than brute force, and many weapons that can devastate something living can be downright useless against a zombie. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting that fully automatic assault rifle but you have to wonder if you’re using a sledgehammer when a stapler would work better.

Power In Numbers

I had a friend mention to me an interesting fact that I figured would be appropriate to post. It has to do with the concept of why zombies always move in hordes. One of the scariest and most dangerous element of confronting a zombie is in large numbers. One or two zombies, even a small group aren’t that dangerous to your average person. They are easy enough to outrun, outmanoeuvre, or just plain kill when there are only a few. Things start to get dicey when the numbers start getting larger. Like anything there is power in numbers and it couldn’t be more true for zombies. No matter how prepared you are or how well equipped, if you run into enough zombies without a way to escape, you are pretty much toast.

So the real question is why do zombies move in hordes  It’s really one of the most basic concepts behind the zombie lore, but rarely if ever does it get explained, we just simply take it as fact and move on. It’s not like we can travel to a remote area and study zombies in their native environment to gain a better understanding. “Watch as the mother zombie shuffles it’s way through a field looking for brains to feed its young. The gait of the mother zombie is quite slow, but a zombie in it’s natural habitat has little to fear and is one of natures most dangerous predators” (I really hope you read that sentence in your best Australian accent)

So without any actual evidence to work from the best we can do is come up with our own theories and concepts. Zombies are reduced down to their primal instincts, they are driven by hunger and tend to hunt by sight, sound and smell. There isn’t a hell of alot of thought power going on besides, “What’s that noise? Can I eat it? I’m gonna try.” That’s it. So what does this have to do with why zombies end up roaming around together you ask. Allow me to explain.

Let’s start with a bunch of single zombie roaming around aimlessly. Not much of a threat just sort of shuffling around doing what zombies do. Now it won’t take long for one of those zombies to do something that will cause a loud noise. bumping into a car and setting off the alarm, knocking over a trash can, stepping on a cats tail, whatever. So this single zombie creates a noise loud enough that a few other zombies within ear shot come over to investigate. Now you have three zombies making noise. This means more car alarms, more trash cans, and more screeching cats. Which in turn means more noise to attract others that are in the area. It’s a chain reaction, as more zombies show up the noise gets louder which in turn attracts more zombies. I’m sure a few may wander away after a while, but they probably wouldn’t make it far before there was a large enough noise that would catch their attention and bring them back. So basically the theory is that zombie hordes are created because zombies by nature are noisy. Of course this is all conjecture but it seems like a sound enough theory and if it holds true, could give you a decent advantage if you ever found yourself trying to survive post apocalypse.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #3

Don’t dare show a nipple!:

So this complaint doesn’t really have as much to do with The Walking Dead as it has to do with our completely screwed up views as a society, this show just happens to be a great example of this. One of the elements that makes The Walking Dead so good is what also brings to light how messed up things are, it’s incredible special effects. You would be hard pressed to find a movie that has better zombies in it, in fact I bet you couldn’t. The show is especially good at coming up with imaginative crazy ways for the walkers to get killed. From up close and personal head shots, getting squished under objects, getting ripped apart or just plan old getting their heads smashed in by the heel of a boot. There is no end to the intensely detailed ways they come up with to end walkers. I’m sure there is a team of people that sit around all day and just think of messed up ways to kill them. It definitely adds to the show and like it or not creates a realism to what the post apocalypse could be like.

An argument could be made that the special effects used when killing walkers has a longer leash when it comes to what can and can’t be shown. They are (so far as we know, wink, wink) a fictional, already deceased monster, so killing them off even though they use to be humans is easier to accept. I get this part, but it’s not just limited to walkers in the show. They also have no issues with showing humans getting the short end of the stick. From being torn apart, shot, guts ripped out, faces ripped off, body parts being snacked on by a horde of walkers, there doesn’t seem to be much that is taboo when showing a human death either. Hey it’s the zombie apocalypse after all, this stuff is going to happen and I see nothing wrong with it.

Now the fucked up part of all this is that our rating system, and in turn society, is fine with showing all of this on regular tv, but never, under any circumstances, no matter what happens, should they ever show a nipple!! My god if a boob popped out or someone's junk flashed up on the screen the world may end. Kill the feed immediately and cancel the show! 

It’s perfectly acceptable to have a scene showing one of the main characters getting torn apart by zombies, or hell having the main characters kill a child, but no matter what no nudity!! Now, so there isn’t any misunderstanding I’m not complaining about the blood and guts in The Walking Dead, or any other tv show for that matter, I really don’t care what they choose to show as long as they are upfront about it. I’m hoping that as a mentally stable adult you should have no problem discerning reality from fantasy and right from wrong. If a tv show sets you off on a murdering rampage I would say that there were much deeper issues present well before a tv was ever turned on. What I am confused about is how we can, in HD detail, show someones head getting mashed in and thats fine, but if you were to see someone nude that is completely unacceptable. I just can’t wrap my head around the thought process behind that. Shit needs to be seriously reevaluated if the general agreement is that showing a nipple is worse than showing brutal murder? It makes me sad for the human race and it scares the hell out of me much more than any zombie ever could.

The Best Zombie Weapons

As I work my way through an almost infinite list of Zombie Weapons I will of course rank them in the top 10 list. As I go I will throw up a poll (you can find it in the right hand column) to see if you guys agree with my assessment of the weapons. Vote now and let me know.