Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #10

We Leave no one behind:
This theory should hold true on both levels. Never leave anyone behind, but also never leave a zombie behind if it can be avoided. I get it that there is an element of risk every time a character faces down a walker, but I also feel there can be a greater risk from not doing it. How many times has the show had the main characters bypass a zombie that later becomes a threat. Take a few seconds to take it out while they are easy to kill, instead of waiting until something happens later that leaves you vulnerable and then suddenly, that same walker shows up and becomes a problem. This theme seems to show up more times then it probably should. The main characters are pretty efficient at surviving by now, and I hope that they would quickly learn that leaving that seemingly innocent walker alone and then turning your back on it probably won't end well. I’m not saying they have to hunt down and kill absolutely every walker they come across, but take out the easy ones when you can. Every walker killed is one less that could kill you, and it’s one step closer to getting their world back to some sort of civilization. I’d make it a point to take out as many as I could as safely as I could but meh, I guess that doesn’t make good tv.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints

I’m going to guess that anyone visiting this site knows about the show The Walking Dead. I would say it falls within my top 5 tv shows of all time. It makes my Sundays nights a little better knowing that I’ll be watching some good old zombie tv. However I would be lying if I said there weren’t a few things about the show that bother me. Things that don’t make sense, things I feel real survivors just wouldn’t do, or the certain way things happen that I feel the writers may have taken some creative liberties on to force a false sense of tension. Now don’t get me wrong, these aren’t deal breakers, but cleaning up some of these issues could make a great show that much better. So for the next bit I’m going to work my way through my “Top 10 Walking Dead Complaints”

On that note lets start it off.

Z-Media

So as you may have noticed I created a new section called Z-Media. This new section will hold any posts or rants that have to do with zombies in, well… the media. Whether it’s tv shows, movies, video games, or just something I may of heard about that could relate, it will end up here.

Branch

To start this off I'm going to go with the most basic of weapons possible, a branch. Not the most glamorous of weapons, but readily available and I imagine would be pretty popular during the first few hours of the outbreak. When a few zombies are bering down on you, snapping a branch of the closest tree may be the only option you have.

Durability: Low - Medium
This one is a bit tricky to gauge. A thick green branch cut off of a tree would be able to take more punishment then a dead branch that has dried up, but either way I don't think you're going to get too attached to it. It's a decent enough short term option in a pinch but looking for a replacement should be your next step.

Availability: Very High
Even in the most urban of areas there are usually trees around somewhere. Probably the easiest weapon that I will rate to replace. Find tree… take branch, the end.

Agility: Medium - Very High
Once again this category is a bit tricky to rate. Basically it depends on the branch you take. If you grab a 7' branch that weighs 15 lbs. then obviously your ability to use it is going to be low. That and you're a moron. To sum this up, choose wisely

Cost/Consumables: Low - Very Low
There seems to be a pattern here. It all depends on the branch you pick. I would say that on average most people would pick a branch that would be long enough to keep a fairly safe distance from the zombies, so the danger of using the weapon wouldn't be horrible. Besides that the only other cost associated with it would be the time spent taking it off the tree.

Lethality: Very Low - Low
You will probably be able to take out a few zombies, or at least slow them down long enough to get away. But as I mentioned before I would be on the lookout for a replacement weapon as soon as possible.

Adaptability: High - Very High
It's a piece of wood. With the right tools and if you're willing to invest the time you could turn this puppy pretty much into anything you want. Hammer a few nails through the end, sharpen it to a point, Use it as a spear, roast marshmallows, it's up to you.

Miscellaneous: Medium
The only other benefits I can think of for this weapon would be it's ability to function as a few other items. A walking stick quickly comes to mind, or hell you could even chop it up for kindling if needed.

Final Verdict: Very Low - Medium
The problem with rating this one is how varied the weapon could be. It could range from a rickety old branch that is barely better than using your bare hands, to a decent enough weapon especially with a few modifications. In a pinch even the lowliest branch would give you a slight advantage but it’s still just a chunk of wood you pulled off of a tree. My suggestion would be this. If you find yourself struggling for survival post zombie outbreak and all you have is a tree branch it could do the job short term. However looking for a weapons upgrade would be pretty high on my list of things to do.

How good is it really?

Ok first off, in order to rate what we will call "zombie weapons" I need to set certain guidelines. These guidelines will be the base for how I will rate each weapon. Obviously there will be intangibles that can't be measured. Maybe you just can't bring yourself to wack a zombie with your signed Wayne Gretzky hockey stick you just pulled out of the display case, or perhaps that signed hockey stick belonged to your cheating ex husband and smashing zombies with it gives you more pleasure then you would have thought. Either way there will always be elements that can't be measured. But on the whole I can start basing my decision making off of these variables:

Durability:
Pretty self explanatory. It really doesn't matter how deadly your weapon is or how awesome you are at wielding it. If the damn thing breaks after taking out 2 zombies, then I'd say that particular weapon is pretty much useless.

Availability:
I imagine that during a zombie apocalypse having a tank to roll around in would be pretty solid. However, personally I don't know anyone with a tank parked in their driveway. Hence availability will come into play. Basically this will boil down to how hard it would be to find that weapon. Awesome or not if you can't get your hands on one then what good is it?

Agility:
This one will be a little harder to rate. A heavier weapon can do more damage but would wear you out much faster. It will also depend on who is using it. A 6' 5" 250 lbs construction worker won't have much of a problem swinging around a 10lbs weapon. However hand that over to a 110lbs secretary and not much is going to be accomplished. So I will try and base my decisions on an average person and how easy it would be to use the weapon.

Cost/Consumables:
I'm not talking about cash here. When I mention cost I'm talking about what you have to give up to use the weapon. For e.g. if using the weapon is extremely loud and could attract some more unwanted attention then the "cost" of use will be higher. Consumables is what will be "consumed" or depleted with each use of the weapon. A high powered handgun can be pretty devastating in the right hands, but take away the ammunition and it's pretty much a paper weight.

Lethality:
Will it kill it? Yes. 
Good. 
Will it kill it quickly and easily? Yes.
Perfect!

Adaptability:
When chatting zombies with people, the topic of scavenging usually makes it's way into the conversation. Being able to adapt random scavenged items into something usable is a vital part of post apocalyptic survival. The same holds true for rating weapons. Being able to take a simple weapon and with some MacGyver like skill, modify it into something much more formidable could be a game changer. Who would have thought a toaster, 2 paper clips, a can of pringles and a lighter could become a zombie's worst nightmare.

Miscellaneous:
For better or worse some weapons could carry with them other elements that could make a difference. If I think of any thing that does't fall into the other categories this is where is will end up.

I think thats about it. I will use this as my basis for ranking each weapon as I work my way through the vast list of zombie dispatching tools out there. If there is something that I've missed that you feel should be in here. Let me know.

It's zombie bashing time

When ever I get talking to someone about their "Zombie Plan" it doesn't take long for the conversation to turn towards weapons. It's one of the top priorities for any good zombie plan. It does't matter how much food and water you have scavenged, where you plan on living or how you are going to fortify your home. If you don't have a solid zombie bashing weapon you are pretty much screwed.

It often turns into a pretty interesting debate on which weapon is best and why. Everyone has their own theory as to the best weapon of choice post apocalypse. Obviously there is no correct answer to this. I think it largely depends on the situation, however I definitely believe that there are some weapons that are better than others. So that being said I'm going to slowly work my way through the vast selection of weapons that could be available and break down what I think the pros and cons of each are, and then eventually rate what I think are the top 10 zombie weapons.

Welcome

According to movies, tv shows, books and video games it's inevitable. It's not a matter of if it will happen, it's a matter of when. Dum Dum DUMM… the Zombie apocalypse.

As the human race evolves this once far fiction situation is eerily becoming more and more plausible. New more powerful viruses are springing up everywhere, whether from natural means, by-products of our lifestyles, or for the conspiracy theorists out there, from some biological experiment in some underground laboratory gone wrong. It seems like it is only a matter of time before you wake up one morning to find your tv broadcasting scenes of the dead coming back to life with an insatiable thirst for flesh, blood and of course brainsssss.

Throughout the years the human race has had a strange addiction with this doomsday prediction (myself included), and it has been explored in thousands of different way. With shows like The Walking Dead popping up these doomsday talks are drastically increasing and I've overheard more than a few conversations of people discussing how to survive the zombie plague. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some wack-job hanging out on city corners wearing a doomsday sign made from cardboard and left over silver paint I was just huffing. But I do enjoy a good conversation about how to survive zombie world, and for some reason I have a bit of a strange interest in all things zombie. More than once I have found myself forming a "Zombie Plan" in my head or talking about the "what if's" with friends. 

The weird part is I have found more than one person out there that has their own "Zombie Plan" and it's strange how similar, or different these can be. So this is where the blog comes in. I have more than enough thoughts bouncing around in my head that having a place to write them all down and share them couldn't hurt. Plus, as I've mentioned, I've meet a fair number of people with their own zombie plans and this could be a great place to share those thoughts. As much fun as it sounds tearing around the city streets by yourself in some jacked up hummer playing your own made up game of zombie roadkill… Eventually playing cards with the mannequin from the lingerie shop, and trying to hold deep conversations with the stray dog you just found by the ransacked Taco Bell is going to to drive you bat shit crazy. So having some friends along may be a good thing.

And hell, you never know. Maybe one day you will find yourself in a blind panic trying to escape a city full of brain munching zombies and the difference between you becoming a legendary post appocalyptic survivalist or a pile of steaming zombie shit in an alley could be this blog.