The Weekly Forecast - Humid Tropical

Humid Tropical 
I will start things off with what I assume would be the majority of people's first choice, the tropics. Hey, If you are going to have to battle zombies you might as well do it on a beach with a nice tan right? So besides being golden brown while you brain a zombie what other benefits and disadvantages does trying to survive here bring

Benefits:

Heat: If you’ve ever forgotten those hotdogs on the bbq for a day or two during a summer drink fest then you know what I’m talking about. The main reason the tropics are the tropics is because of the intense heat. I’m sure zombies don’t really care if they get a burn, but when they start cooking it could be an entirely different situation. That and things tend to go rotten a hell of a lot faster when it’s hot. It definitely won't stop them from showing up at your door, but it may slow them down enough to give you a bit of a advantage

Islands:  Another thing that well represents the tropics, are the vast amounts of islands that litter the area. There was a reason that castles had motes. Water forms a pretty decent natural barrier, and most islands come with one hell of a moat built in. It’s a pretty solid natural defence system and requires little to no work to create. I’m sure a few zombies may eventually wash up on the shores but with a little diligence they really wouldn’t be a problem.

Swamps: The tropics are a perfect recipe for creating swampland. Don’t believe me? Go to Florida and look around. One of the main problems with swamps, is they are hard as hell to travel through. Mud, water, vegetation, it all makes for some pretty slow progress. Toss a mindless zombie into that mess and soon enough it will become a permanent fixture of the area. If you can’t kill something the next best thing is incapacitating it and swamps are a natural zombie trap.

Population: This really depends on where you are but in this climate, there are plenty of areas that have a very low population density. There are however some that are extremely high, but I’m hoping that anyone with a brain left in their head would avoid those areas at all cost. All in all I would say there would be much less zombies to worry about than the mainland. Plus many of the humid tropical locations are islands, which means the population is what it is. There won't be many zombies wandering in from another area unless they somehow learn to float

Disadvantages:

Heat: As much as this may help it will also hinder. There are the obvious worries of surviving somewhere with a warm climate, but how does it affect you when zombies are involved? The warmer it tends to get the less clothing people wear. The less clothing you wear the less protection you have. It seems like a fantastic idea to build yourself the ultimate zombie suit, made up of sports equipment and police riot gear. However if you pass out from dehydration 10 min after putting it on you may have to rethink things. Basically you need to find that fine line between protection and not turning yourself into a sauna.

Islands: Another double edged sword. Mostly islands would be pretty fantastic at keeping the zombies at bay. However if one managed to slip through the defenses and things got out of control it makes it much harder to escape.

Weapons: Once you go beyond the all inclusive resorts and tourist traps, many tropical locals don’t have a lot of money and resources. Finding a weapon ironically, probably wouldn't be too hard as they are also known for a lot of violence, However trying to find a good quality weapon could be a big issue. Chances are whatever you manage to scrounge up will either be old, broken, or a crazy MacGyver contraption.

Terrain: Tropical terrain can be unforgiving. We usually just see the beaches and nicely groomed paths, but we forget that once you step off the resort you're into jungle. With a pack of zombies breathing down your neck, getting away could become harder than you would like. There are unlimited amounts of things that could cause major problems for you, that really wouldn’t do much to a zombie at all. Thorns, dangerous plants, deadly animals, there is a pretty long list. Having a poisonous snake hanging off your ass as you try and run away is going to put a pretty large damper on things, for a zombie, it really just becomes a fashion accessory.

Verdict: 

It’s the Tropics! Really if you’re going to have to try and scratch out an existence during a Zombie Apocalypse this is probably the place you want to do it. I didn’t touch on this because it isn’t the point of this post, but take away all the zombies and bring this down to just basic survival, and a tropical island is a pretty easy bet. I also found it pretty hard to come up with some solid disadvantages. So I guess what I’m saying is if the Zombie shit hits the fan, it means it’s time to take a apocalyptic vacation

The Weekly Forecast

So I just returned from vacation, hence the lack of posts, and while I was lying in the sun, I got thinking about how much the climate would play a pretty integral part of Z-Survival. Depending on where you live could drastically alter your plan. Not only would you be worrying about zombies but you would have to take into account the elements and indigenous life.

Right now with all the comforts we are accustomed to, basic survival for most people is pretty damn easy. Thirsty? turn on the tap. Hungry? Open the fridge. Sick? Google your symptoms, panic because Web MD says you're going to die, race to the Dr’s and find out it’s indigestion, it’s all pretty easy. With our current technology and knowledge we can easily turn some pretty inhospitable locations into a decent place to live. But take away those advantages and ask yourself how long before you were braving the roads to find an easier place to call home.

A lot of things would change post zombie outbreak, but climates shouldn’t be one of them. I suppose during the anarchy something terrible like a nuclear launch could happen that could alter things, but if that was the case you’re screwed anyways so worrying about how to deal with zombies wouldn’t really be a problem now would it. So we are going to say the environment pretty much stays intact, and I’ll  take a look at how location changes your survival techniques, by working my way through each climate in separate posts

I’m not going to dive into the basic human needs like, shelter, food, sleep etc. Those needs are the same regardless of what situation you are trying to survive, zombies or no. I’m only going to focus on what changes when you DO add zombies to the mix. What do you need to modify or implement in certain environments because there are zombies wandering around everywhere. How does the weekly forecast affect your survival chances and what benefits or disadvantages does it bring.

Before I start things off it’s important to realize that surviving hinges a lot on being able to adapt to your surroundings. This skill thankfully is not part of a zombies repertoire. They keep plodding along with the same intent regardless of where they are or what’s around them. They are pretty resilient, but not beyond the reach of mother nature, and each climate would effect them differently. This is one of our major advantages. In the next few posts I’ll break down how big of an advantage living in certain climates can give you

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #2

Walkers are nature lovers:

So I guess walkers are extreme nature lovers. They must like nothing more than going for hikes through the woods, exploring corn fields, frolicking in meadows, pretty much being one with nature… Then trying to eat it. This would be the only explanation as to why there are so many of them, miles away from any civilization strolling through the woods. 

Every time any character enters the forest, within minutes there is at least one walker that goes strolling by and more often than not they show a hoard making their way past as well. I’ve been in my share of forests, and I can tell you, you really don’t run into many people. The human population tends to congregate around urban developments. The closer you get to the city, the higher the population density becomes. So it stands to reason that when people start dying and turning into walkers that the vast majority of them will be in urban settings. Not forests and corn fields! 

So my question is, why during the show is the population density of walkers in the rural Georgian forests, higher than downtown Tokyo? I do understand that a few walkers would eventually make their way into the forest, perhaps following a food source or just by happenstance their mindless wandering took them there. But the vast majority would still be wandering around main street looking for something to munch on. There really isn’t any reason for them to travel hundreds of miles to a forest and then just start wandering around in it, it just doesn't make sense. 

From what we've learned walkers are attracted by noise, potential food, and other walkers. This can be found aplenty in the city, not so much in the woods. You should be able to walk for hours, miles, hell even days through the forest post apocalypse without finding a walker. Yet on the show you can find one every 20 feet. Speaking of walking, zombies tend to always take the path of least resistance, and I can tell you, forests aren’t the easiest place to traverse, 

I can hear a bunch of people arguing already. ”There are so many zombies in the city that the food source has been eaten, so they made their way into the forests to hunt”. Allow me to retort. There is a reason that hunters use high powered rifles with scopes that can zoom in on a deers arse hair from 500 feet. Wild animals aren’t that easy to catch, personally I’ve never heard of a hunter taking out a deer or hell even a raccoon with their bare hands. Take away reasoning and general coordination and I’m thinking walkers aren't much of a threat to the indigenous wildlife. 

So I guess I’ll need to start paying more attention to the walkers in the show. Maybe I’ll see an “How to Identify Birds” book in one of their pockets, or one will have binoculars around it’s neck and be eating granola. I suppose it’s possible that walkers really are nature lovers. 

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Tools of the Trade

Like many things in life having the right tool for the job is essential. Trying to twist a screw into a wall using a butter knife is possible, but why would you want to. Also knowing what is required to complete the job, can be just as important as having the right tool. You may know you need to put a screw into a wall, so you grab a screwdriver. However the screw is 3 inches long and you have to screw it into hardwood. I imagine unless you have wrists like Popeye you're going to be wishing you grabbed a drill instead.

Weapons essentially are just tools used to get a job done, a much more gory, mind altering job than normal, but a job none the less. So when you’re picking out a weapon to use against zombies having an understanding of what needs to be done is extremely important.
There is a massive difference between fighting a zombie and, well… anything else and this needs to be understood before you put together your wish list of weapons.

Most people when asked what weapon they would choose immediately go with the bigger the better theory. They picture themselves like Schwarzenegger in Terminator with a chain gun mowing their way through a field of zombies. Sounds good in theory, but when you start thinking about it, you quickly realize that it won’t really work, and here is why.

To explain this and to keep things simple we will compare apples to rotten apples or humans to zombies. The main difference between fighting a human and a zombie is obviously the “one of them is dead” thing. So tactics and weapons that work quite well on a normal living human can be pretty useless against a zombie. A human can be killed in anyone of a number of ways. A gunshot wound to almost anywhere on the body if not treated fairly quickly has the ability to kill. Hit a major organ and it can happen almost immediately, hit an artery and they could bleed out. Hell a gunshot wound to your big toe could kill you if you don’t take care of it and it becomes infected. So a fully automatic weapon against people can be pretty devastating. Now this same weapon against a zombie, not so much. As we have learned the only real way to permanently stop a zombie is to destroy the brain. Unloading a full clip into the their torso may slow them down a bit, but besides making them leak when they eat, it really won’t affect them. They don’t feel pain, so a shot to the leg won’t cripple them unless you manage to destroy the bone to the point that it can no longer support their weight. The “spray and pray” technique so commonly used with fully automatic weapons just won’t cut it. I’m sure a few stray bullets will find their mark and take out a few zombies but really, you are just wasting precious ammo.

This thought process is pretty universal for all weapons when dealing with zombies. It’s more about precision than brute force, and many weapons that can devastate something living can be downright useless against a zombie. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting that fully automatic assault rifle but you have to wonder if you’re using a sledgehammer when a stapler would work better.

Power In Numbers

I had a friend mention to me an interesting fact that I figured would be appropriate to post. It has to do with the concept of why zombies always move in hordes. One of the scariest and most dangerous element of confronting a zombie is in large numbers. One or two zombies, even a small group aren’t that dangerous to your average person. They are easy enough to outrun, outmanoeuvre, or just plain kill when there are only a few. Things start to get dicey when the numbers start getting larger. Like anything there is power in numbers and it couldn’t be more true for zombies. No matter how prepared you are or how well equipped, if you run into enough zombies without a way to escape, you are pretty much toast.

So the real question is why do zombies move in hordes  It’s really one of the most basic concepts behind the zombie lore, but rarely if ever does it get explained, we just simply take it as fact and move on. It’s not like we can travel to a remote area and study zombies in their native environment to gain a better understanding. “Watch as the mother zombie shuffles it’s way through a field looking for brains to feed its young. The gait of the mother zombie is quite slow, but a zombie in it’s natural habitat has little to fear and is one of natures most dangerous predators” (I really hope you read that sentence in your best Australian accent)

So without any actual evidence to work from the best we can do is come up with our own theories and concepts. Zombies are reduced down to their primal instincts, they are driven by hunger and tend to hunt by sight, sound and smell. There isn’t a hell of alot of thought power going on besides, “What’s that noise? Can I eat it? I’m gonna try.” That’s it. So what does this have to do with why zombies end up roaming around together you ask. Allow me to explain.

Let’s start with a bunch of single zombie roaming around aimlessly. Not much of a threat just sort of shuffling around doing what zombies do. Now it won’t take long for one of those zombies to do something that will cause a loud noise. bumping into a car and setting off the alarm, knocking over a trash can, stepping on a cats tail, whatever. So this single zombie creates a noise loud enough that a few other zombies within ear shot come over to investigate. Now you have three zombies making noise. This means more car alarms, more trash cans, and more screeching cats. Which in turn means more noise to attract others that are in the area. It’s a chain reaction, as more zombies show up the noise gets louder which in turn attracts more zombies. I’m sure a few may wander away after a while, but they probably wouldn’t make it far before there was a large enough noise that would catch their attention and bring them back. So basically the theory is that zombie hordes are created because zombies by nature are noisy. Of course this is all conjecture but it seems like a sound enough theory and if it holds true, could give you a decent advantage if you ever found yourself trying to survive post apocalypse.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #3

Don’t dare show a nipple!:

So this complaint doesn’t really have as much to do with The Walking Dead as it has to do with our completely screwed up views as a society, this show just happens to be a great example of this. One of the elements that makes The Walking Dead so good is what also brings to light how messed up things are, it’s incredible special effects. You would be hard pressed to find a movie that has better zombies in it, in fact I bet you couldn’t. The show is especially good at coming up with imaginative crazy ways for the walkers to get killed. From up close and personal head shots, getting squished under objects, getting ripped apart or just plan old getting their heads smashed in by the heel of a boot. There is no end to the intensely detailed ways they come up with to end walkers. I’m sure there is a team of people that sit around all day and just think of messed up ways to kill them. It definitely adds to the show and like it or not creates a realism to what the post apocalypse could be like.

An argument could be made that the special effects used when killing walkers has a longer leash when it comes to what can and can’t be shown. They are (so far as we know, wink, wink) a fictional, already deceased monster, so killing them off even though they use to be humans is easier to accept. I get this part, but it’s not just limited to walkers in the show. They also have no issues with showing humans getting the short end of the stick. From being torn apart, shot, guts ripped out, faces ripped off, body parts being snacked on by a horde of walkers, there doesn’t seem to be much that is taboo when showing a human death either. Hey it’s the zombie apocalypse after all, this stuff is going to happen and I see nothing wrong with it.

Now the fucked up part of all this is that our rating system, and in turn society, is fine with showing all of this on regular tv, but never, under any circumstances, no matter what happens, should they ever show a nipple!! My god if a boob popped out or someone's junk flashed up on the screen the world may end. Kill the feed immediately and cancel the show! 

It’s perfectly acceptable to have a scene showing one of the main characters getting torn apart by zombies, or hell having the main characters kill a child, but no matter what no nudity!! Now, so there isn’t any misunderstanding I’m not complaining about the blood and guts in The Walking Dead, or any other tv show for that matter, I really don’t care what they choose to show as long as they are upfront about it. I’m hoping that as a mentally stable adult you should have no problem discerning reality from fantasy and right from wrong. If a tv show sets you off on a murdering rampage I would say that there were much deeper issues present well before a tv was ever turned on. What I am confused about is how we can, in HD detail, show someones head getting mashed in and thats fine, but if you were to see someone nude that is completely unacceptable. I just can’t wrap my head around the thought process behind that. Shit needs to be seriously reevaluated if the general agreement is that showing a nipple is worse than showing brutal murder? It makes me sad for the human race and it scares the hell out of me much more than any zombie ever could.

The Best Zombie Weapons

As I work my way through an almost infinite list of Zombie Weapons I will of course rank them in the top 10 list. As I go I will throw up a poll (you can find it in the right hand column) to see if you guys agree with my assessment of the weapons. Vote now and let me know.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #4

#4) Zombie Ninjas:
I have come to a conclusion that there are 2 sets of walkers in the show. The regular ones, and the ninjas. Let me explain. Picture this scene, a single or group of walkers strolling down the street moaning, groaning, knocking things over, generally doing what walkers do. Now lets say these “regular walkers” notice a human or something catches their attention, suddenly the noise they make and their movements drastically increase, more moaning, more groaning, more knocking things over etc. Basically anyone who is paying attention would notice them coming, unless… they are sneaking up on one of the main characters in a house, building, or somewhere generally spooky. Then those bastards are pure stealth! They can sneak up on anyone, they become god damn ninja walkers.

Time after time they somehow manage to sneak up on a character who has survived up to this point by generally being pretty good at avoiding these situation. They traverse houses at night, dense forests, packed warehouses all without making a single sound.

Walkers on the show tend to have little regard for their current surroundings. They are more likely to walk through something then they are to go around it, so much so that they have shown walkers impaling themselves on spears or tearing body parts off trying to get to their prey. In a word they are noisy as hell. But time after time you see surprise attacks on people from a walker that managed to tippy toe it’s way through a bunch of obstacles and catch them unaware. So my conclusion to this. Ninja walkers, it only makes sense!

All my bags are packed.

It’s the middle of the work week. You’re chilling at home watching a tv show, eating food that probably isn’t the healthiest. Or perhaps you’re at home, nose buried in the computer, logging overtime when really you’re just watching cat videos. Regardless of what you’re doing, one way or another you hear those words. “Zombie Apocalypse”. At first I’m sure you’re first instinct will be to do what millions of other people are doing and just laugh it off as a joke, a hoax. This is where the first line of separation will be created. This will be where your next few decisions will determine how the rest of your life (as long or as short as it may be) will go.

Your first few decisions can determine not only if you survive, but for how long. There will be the masses, that no matter what refuse to admit that something has gone terribly wrong, even when a zombie is chewing on their leg. Then there will be the few that admit maybe there is a problem but either refuse, or can’t act on it. Then, there will be the very small percentage. The people who realize, accept and act on the news immediately. These will be the people that are still standing when the dust settles.

Your reaction to a situation will depend strongly on the variables that surround you. The problem is the list of variables is almost infinite. So that being said it will be impossible for me to come up with a universal formula, a what to do when the zombie apocalypse happens, that would work for everyone. Instead I will focus in on certain situations like the above.

So let’s continue. Shit has hit the fan and you’re everyday routine is about to take a drastic left turn. One of the very first decisions you need to make is going to be the hardest. Do you bunker down in your current location. Or do you get the hell out of Dodge. Now like I mentioned there are a lot of things here that would dictate your decision. Your location, the type of house you are in, the resources available, how dangerous it is in that area, on and on. For the sake of argument we are going to say screw it. Your house is made of all glass and the only resources you have are a 2 day old container of chinese food in the fridge and a can of beer. It’s time to get the hell out.

So the decision to move on has been made and you are scrambling around your house throwing items randomly into a bag… we have arrived at the crux of this post. What the heck do you take with you! Well that’s where a bug-out bag comes into play. According to google a bug-out bag is “a portable kit that normally contains the items one would require to survive for seventy-two hours, when evacuating from a disaster, however some kits are designed to last longer periods of time than just 72 hours.” In all seriousness it wouldn’t be a bad idea for everyone to have one of these in their house, zombie enthusiast or no. So I’m going to lay out what I think are the top 10 items (in no specific order) you should have in your “Zombie Bug-out Bag”

#10 - A good survival knife
If you’ve ever camped anywhere further than your backyard then you should know the merit of having a decent survival knife at your disposal. Throw in the added benefit of it being a decent enough zombie self defense weapon and it’s pretty much a must have.

#9 -  Flint
In a pinch matches or a lighter would do, but the problem with those are they run out. A lighter isn’t very handy if you have no fuel and unless you're hauling along an costco size box of matches you’re going to run out sooner than you think. I would also suggest at minimum you watch a video on how to start a fire using flint.

#8 - Water
You need to dance a fine line between enough water and not having to strap a 10 gallon tank to your back. 1 litre per day is the bare minimum needed for the average human, so I would highly suggest you have enough for at least 3 days.

#7 - Flashlight
Preferably the ones with a built in crank generator, but if you need to go with a battery powered flashlight so be it. However when you're out of batteries your flashlight suddenly becomes less than useless. And personally I think not having a lightsource at night during a zombie apocalypse would well, suck… a lot.

#6 - Food
It’s more than possible to survive 3 days without food, but I wouldn’t want to do it. Even a few protein bars would be enough to get you through. You'd be surprised how much having something to eat at the right time can lift your spirits.

#5 - Clothes
The zombie apocalypse would suck. It would suck even more having to run around naked. One decent change of clothes would be preferable. So let’s say at minimum:

• A good pair of shoes, and when I say good, I mean sturdy hiking or running shoes, not those pair of Uggs that you got on sale
• A pair of long pants
• A decent long sleeve shirt
• A waterproof jacket 
• A good pair of wool socks.
• A nice fashion statement like a hat or a bandana wouldn’t hurt either.

#4 - First Aid Kit
This one is tough. Most likely I will write another article on what you should put in your first aid kit, but that will happen at a later time. For now lets just say that I wouldn’t suggest using the store bought ones. They are pretty useless and tend to be filled with crap you don’t need. Instead I would suggest that you put one together yourself. That way you know exactly what is in it and it won't be full of things that break the first time you try and use them.

#3 - Pot or cooking container
This may not seem like it should be an essential item but having something you can cook in and more importantly boil water in will be much more important than you think. Unless you want to be able to shit through the eye of a needle, having a way to sterilize water is a good thing.

#2 - Shelter
You’re gonna want a warm dry place to sleep. Not getting enough sleep leaves you weaker and more prone to making bad decisions. I would suggest at least a decent tarp. Having a sleeping bag or blanket as well would be even better.

#1 - Weapon
Chances are whatever the reason is you need to grab your bug-out bag it’s not good, and having something for self defence and protection is a must. The best packed bag won't make much difference if some stranger with a gun takes it from you, or you end up as a zombie snack. Obviously there's a pretty varied list for which weapon you would want. Check out the weapons section for my always growing list of zombie weapons to help with that choice.

So that’s it. If there’s anything major you can think I left off the list let me know. Take this as a suggested starting point, but obviously it needs to be tweaked per person and per situation. However if you had to leave in a hurry, and all you were able to grab was this bug-out bag, you would be in a much better position than the moron who ran out of his house still wearing his housecoat and slippers and carrying a bag stuffed with a can of pop, 2 bags of Doritos, a pair of old jogging pants and his xbox.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #5

Ammo caches everywhere!
Apparently the walking dead tv show is very similar to a video game. For some unexplained reason there must me randomly stashed cases of bullets scattered throughout the state of Georgia. All someone has to do is walk past it, a strange noise sounds out of no where, and suddenly their weapon clip is full again, ta daa!

Ok in all seriousness how do they manage to find all the ammunition? In the shows defence the characters usually try and reserve their firearms for last case scenario, but when they do there is never much of a problem with bullets. they may run out in that scene, or even that episode, but the next time they need to shoot something, the clip is magically full again. They seem to be traveling fairly light so it’s not like they have a pack full of ammunition they have managed to scavenge so that’s not the answer. I imagine it wouldn’t take long, even for a gun happy country like America, for bullets to become a pretty rare commodity. Once again I guess the allure of special effects zombie brains scattering everywhere from a headshot trumps common sense.

Another major issue is this. Obviously all bullets don't work in all wepons. You may find a pile 6 feet tall of 9mm bullets, but if you don’t have a weapon that shoots 9mm then those bullets are useless to you. Let’s take for e.g. the main character Rick Grimes. He happens to carry with him a Colt Python .357 Magnum which can fire both .357 and .38 special ammo. Now a quick google lets me know that the top 3 most popular ammo types in America are .22, 12 gauge and 9mm. So that being said the average home or building will most likely not have .357 ammunition kicking around. Once again a quick visit to google lets me know that Rick has 80+ kills and counting with his .357. Your guess is as good as mine where he keeps all that ammo.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #6

Super Squishy Walker Skulls:
Bone is a pretty hard durable substance, and it takes a decent amount of force to penetrate a skull. It’s kinda designed to protect our brain and it does a decent job. However according to the show it’s pretty damn easy. A quick stab and off they go to the next one. Ok I can hear some people already. “They are zombies, they are rotting.” I get that, but if their skull is so rotten to the point that stabbing them with a knife is like poking rotten fruit, then wouldn’t that mean that all their other bones are just as bad? So broken legs, arms, parts falling off. They would pretty much be a puddle of rot. which means only one thing. Walkers must have super squishy walker skulls.

Mother Dick

For those of you who watched The Walking Dead this Sunday it definitely wasn’t one of the stronger episodes. It was however a really good example of some of my Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints. Namely “We leave no one behind” and “Meh I’ll do it later”. One of the strongest things I found about this tv show was the characters did what I would do. Meaning that in certain situations the writers made sure that characters acted like normal people and not like characters in horror movies. However every now and then the writers seem to fall prey to that horror movie genre, and in order to create drama they create things that most people with any common sense just wouldn’t do, or create situations that just sort of make you scratch your head.
A quick example. When they entered the warehouse looking for parts for the power grid, they came across a pack of walkers stuck behind a chain link face. First off I have no clue why 20 people would be locked in fence inside a warehouse in the first place. But when they found them all they just left them there. a great example of We leave no one behind. Take a few minutes to take out the zombies easily and safely behind the fence, then you can search the warehouse with ease and comfort. And don’t even get me started on the super grenade.
Another thing that really bothered me was the shooting of the hydraulic line in order to have a character fall into a bad situation. It was just a cheesy way to create suspense (which seemed to be the theme this episode) and I found myself laughing at the entire scene. I’m really interested as to where that guy was even aiming because he was a good 15 feet too far to the left and unless there was a walker that was 20’ tall he may have been aiming a little high as well.
All in all it wasn’t my favorite episode and there was just too many scenes that were unbelievable, frustrating, or just made me shake my head. People who have been surviving for years suddenly became chowder heads, and it just seemed gimmicky and unbelievable. There was one epic part of the episode however… “Mother Dick”

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #7

Oh look a pretty picture!:
It’s pretty much standard practice when entering a building full of hostiles that you clear the building before worrying about anything else. I mean you’re life is on the line, so you think this would be a job you wouldn’t want to take short cuts on. However time after time we see people entering a house cautiously expecting the worse. Then suddenly something bright and shiny distracts them and they completely lose the game plan. I don’t care how pretty something is, check all the rooms, clear the building, make sure it’s safe. Then you have all the time you want to oogle that family picture. And when I say clear the building I mean clear the building. Not glancing into a few rooms and forgetting the basement, where obviously there will be a pack of walkers. Nothing like being surprised by a walker that was just around the corner because you got distracted by a pretty picture.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #8

Meh I’ll do it later:
Once again I’m sticking with the ounce of prevention theme. I suppose in a way these last 3 complaints could be bundled together into a take care of shit before it becomes a problem package. This one seems to show up over and over again and it makes no sense. A single walker is relatively easy to take out, a few walkers is usually still not a problem. Walkers in large numbers is when it becomes dangerous. So my question is, why would you wait for that to happen? This seems to show up over and over again throughout the show. When a single walker starts ambling around they ignore it, until that 1 single walker becomes many and suddenly all hell breaks loose. It’s going to cost a lot more taking out a horde of walkers than doing it one at a time. However I guess a tv show of people walking around  braining single zombies all day wouldn’t be the most entertaining.

Kitchen Knife

When shit hits the fan and you need to get the hell out as fast as possible you won’t have a ton of time to pick through what you are taking with you. That will hold true for whatever you grab as a weapon as well. Chances are good it’s going to be something that is readily accessible in your house. There will be those few that have some decent zombie stoppers lying around but by and large most peoples houses aren’t properly stocked for the end of the world. This leads me to the weapon review. The ever reliable Kitchen Knife

Durability: High
I’m just going to assume that most people will have at least one decent kitchen knife kicking around their house. If you’re grabbing the plastic handled knife, with the tip you snapped off trying to open a can of zoodles for zombie defence, then really, you were screwed from the beginning. That and you’re a horrible cook. A good kitchen knife is made to last and it’s designed to take things apart. So besides the blade getting dull, which is easy enough to remedy, it should last as long as you will need it.

Availability: High
As I mentioned above. I’m sure there are a few people who are really good at opening a box and putting it in the microwave that wouldn’t need a decent knife in their kitchen. But I’d say more or less you are going to be able to find something serviceable in the average home.

Agility: Very High
You’re going to be hard pressed to find something lighter that can cause the same amount of damage. With your trusty kitchen knife you can easily work your way through a pound of potatoes or a few bothersome zombies in no time without getting tired.

Cost/Consumables: Low - Medium
As far as energy expenditure you are in the clear. It’s a nice light weapon that you should be able to use for large periods of time. What you do give up though is safety. Using a knife is about as up close and personal as you can get. In order for it to be a lethal weapon, you need to get within arm's and biting reach of any zombie. I suppose you could try throwing it, but unlike the movies unless the knife is weighted for throwing and you know what you’re doing, chances are you’re just going to bean the thing in the head with the handle. And that’s saying that you even can hit it. Most likely you miss and find yourself without a weapon at all.

Lethality: Low - Medium
Once you're willing to accept the fact that you have to get uncomfortably close with something that is trying to eat your face, this weapon when used properly can be fairly lethal. However unlike humans, cutting, slicing, stabbing, chopping at zombies really doesn’t slow them down much. It’s the head or nothing. And trying to plunge a kitchen knife into a moving skull is not the easiest maneuver to pull off. There is a lot of things that could go wrong and any one of them could make you zombie food.

Adaptability: Medium
I suppose you could tie the knife to a stick or pole to get more range, but beyond that there isn’t a heck of a lot that you can do to a kitchen knife that would make it more dangerous. The reason this weapon gets a medium in this category, is less about modifying it as a weapon, as it is about being able to use it for more than scalping zombies. When trying to survive having a knife can make a big difference. I know it’s not your traditional survival knife, but it would still be serviceable in most areas needed. You could use it to add a nice point onto your hunting spear one minute, then chop up that squirrel for a delicious stew the next, Just make sure you clean off the zombie goo first.

Miscellaneous: low
Unless you’re a clown or Gordon Ramsey it’s hard to look badass with a Henckel in your hand, so I suppose it loses points for that. There really isn't much more to this weapon then what’s already been mentioned.

Final Verdict: Low - Medium
It’s definitely a good start. A knife is a really important survival tool but I imagine a kitchen knife wouldn't become the weapon of choice for zombie hunters anytime soon. It does however fit the bill for a bit. And until another weapon can be found that is a bit better at thinning the zombie population it wouldn’t be a bad idea (unless you have a true survival knife)  to keep this one around as backup.

Zombie Survival

When chatting with people it’s surprising how often Zombie Apocalypse survival actually comes up. The best part about this is how many people at least have a basic plan already started. The ones that don’t, quickly start coming up with one on the spot. I’m really not sure what the attraction to it is, perhaps it’s a primitive need to show we can survive without the comforts and benefits that we have become reliant on in today’s society. Whatever the reasoning everyone has their opinion on it.

Now one of the things I find most interesting is how varied most of these plans are from person to person. Even the most survival handicapped person has a few ideas that have merit. And more often than not I get talking to someone and something comes up that causes me to rethink a few things on my own personal plan.

So anyways I’m going to lay my own plan and thoughts out on the table (well maybe not everything, I need a few secrets to keep the upper hand). Obviously the scenarios can change drastically so I'll touch on a bunch of different potential situations and give you my thoughts on what I would do or what could possibly be done. I’m sure as I write I’ll come up with new ideas about a situation and rework those as well. Basically these will be my thoughts and a guide of sorts for “Zombie Survival 101”

Feel free to comment about any posts and lay out your own thoughts and ideas. Hopefully as we move along we can come up with a pretty solid guideline.

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Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #9

Looks dead to me:
So this one is pretty similar to “We leave no one behind” in regards to it’s importance in investing a few seconds to take care of something before it becomes a problem. The main character approaches a walker who “looks dead” and is either slumped against a wall, lying in the road, or is more or less just laying out in the open. Everything seems fine until the character goes to step over (this one is a favorite and seems to be used a lot) or walks past the walker who then suddenly springs into action. Now the character is in a battle for their life from this suddenly animated walker who seconds ago was lying motionless in a heap of mouldy clothes and flesh. I would hazard to guess that it wouldn’t take very long for current survivors to learn that unless the walker is obviously dead, which pretty much means missing a head, then it’s a potential threat. It’s already lying there on the ground, take a few seconds to make sure it’s dead before you step over it or walk around it. It’s a simple as carrying a long spear which allows you to safely stab the walker in the head and then proceed on your way. The double tap people, the double tap, always make sure.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints #10

We Leave no one behind:
This theory should hold true on both levels. Never leave anyone behind, but also never leave a zombie behind if it can be avoided. I get it that there is an element of risk every time a character faces down a walker, but I also feel there can be a greater risk from not doing it. How many times has the show had the main characters bypass a zombie that later becomes a threat. Take a few seconds to take it out while they are easy to kill, instead of waiting until something happens later that leaves you vulnerable and then suddenly, that same walker shows up and becomes a problem. This theme seems to show up more times then it probably should. The main characters are pretty efficient at surviving by now, and I hope that they would quickly learn that leaving that seemingly innocent walker alone and then turning your back on it probably won't end well. I’m not saying they have to hunt down and kill absolutely every walker they come across, but take out the easy ones when you can. Every walker killed is one less that could kill you, and it’s one step closer to getting their world back to some sort of civilization. I’d make it a point to take out as many as I could as safely as I could but meh, I guess that doesn’t make good tv.

Top 10 The Walking Dead Complaints

I’m going to guess that anyone visiting this site knows about the show The Walking Dead. I would say it falls within my top 5 tv shows of all time. It makes my Sundays nights a little better knowing that I’ll be watching some good old zombie tv. However I would be lying if I said there weren’t a few things about the show that bother me. Things that don’t make sense, things I feel real survivors just wouldn’t do, or the certain way things happen that I feel the writers may have taken some creative liberties on to force a false sense of tension. Now don’t get me wrong, these aren’t deal breakers, but cleaning up some of these issues could make a great show that much better. So for the next bit I’m going to work my way through my “Top 10 Walking Dead Complaints”

On that note lets start it off.

Z-Media

So as you may have noticed I created a new section called Z-Media. This new section will hold any posts or rants that have to do with zombies in, well… the media. Whether it’s tv shows, movies, video games, or just something I may of heard about that could relate, it will end up here.

Branch

To start this off I'm going to go with the most basic of weapons possible, a branch. Not the most glamorous of weapons, but readily available and I imagine would be pretty popular during the first few hours of the outbreak. When a few zombies are bering down on you, snapping a branch of the closest tree may be the only option you have.

Durability: Low - Medium
This one is a bit tricky to gauge. A thick green branch cut off of a tree would be able to take more punishment then a dead branch that has dried up, but either way I don't think you're going to get too attached to it. It's a decent enough short term option in a pinch but looking for a replacement should be your next step.

Availability: Very High
Even in the most urban of areas there are usually trees around somewhere. Probably the easiest weapon that I will rate to replace. Find tree… take branch, the end.

Agility: Medium - Very High
Once again this category is a bit tricky to rate. Basically it depends on the branch you take. If you grab a 7' branch that weighs 15 lbs. then obviously your ability to use it is going to be low. That and you're a moron. To sum this up, choose wisely

Cost/Consumables: Low - Very Low
There seems to be a pattern here. It all depends on the branch you pick. I would say that on average most people would pick a branch that would be long enough to keep a fairly safe distance from the zombies, so the danger of using the weapon wouldn't be horrible. Besides that the only other cost associated with it would be the time spent taking it off the tree.

Lethality: Very Low - Low
You will probably be able to take out a few zombies, or at least slow them down long enough to get away. But as I mentioned before I would be on the lookout for a replacement weapon as soon as possible.

Adaptability: High - Very High
It's a piece of wood. With the right tools and if you're willing to invest the time you could turn this puppy pretty much into anything you want. Hammer a few nails through the end, sharpen it to a point, Use it as a spear, roast marshmallows, it's up to you.

Miscellaneous: Medium
The only other benefits I can think of for this weapon would be it's ability to function as a few other items. A walking stick quickly comes to mind, or hell you could even chop it up for kindling if needed.

Final Verdict: Very Low - Medium
The problem with rating this one is how varied the weapon could be. It could range from a rickety old branch that is barely better than using your bare hands, to a decent enough weapon especially with a few modifications. In a pinch even the lowliest branch would give you a slight advantage but it’s still just a chunk of wood you pulled off of a tree. My suggestion would be this. If you find yourself struggling for survival post zombie outbreak and all you have is a tree branch it could do the job short term. However looking for a weapons upgrade would be pretty high on my list of things to do.

How good is it really?

Ok first off, in order to rate what we will call "zombie weapons" I need to set certain guidelines. These guidelines will be the base for how I will rate each weapon. Obviously there will be intangibles that can't be measured. Maybe you just can't bring yourself to wack a zombie with your signed Wayne Gretzky hockey stick you just pulled out of the display case, or perhaps that signed hockey stick belonged to your cheating ex husband and smashing zombies with it gives you more pleasure then you would have thought. Either way there will always be elements that can't be measured. But on the whole I can start basing my decision making off of these variables:

Durability:
Pretty self explanatory. It really doesn't matter how deadly your weapon is or how awesome you are at wielding it. If the damn thing breaks after taking out 2 zombies, then I'd say that particular weapon is pretty much useless.

Availability:
I imagine that during a zombie apocalypse having a tank to roll around in would be pretty solid. However, personally I don't know anyone with a tank parked in their driveway. Hence availability will come into play. Basically this will boil down to how hard it would be to find that weapon. Awesome or not if you can't get your hands on one then what good is it?

Agility:
This one will be a little harder to rate. A heavier weapon can do more damage but would wear you out much faster. It will also depend on who is using it. A 6' 5" 250 lbs construction worker won't have much of a problem swinging around a 10lbs weapon. However hand that over to a 110lbs secretary and not much is going to be accomplished. So I will try and base my decisions on an average person and how easy it would be to use the weapon.

Cost/Consumables:
I'm not talking about cash here. When I mention cost I'm talking about what you have to give up to use the weapon. For e.g. if using the weapon is extremely loud and could attract some more unwanted attention then the "cost" of use will be higher. Consumables is what will be "consumed" or depleted with each use of the weapon. A high powered handgun can be pretty devastating in the right hands, but take away the ammunition and it's pretty much a paper weight.

Lethality:
Will it kill it? Yes. 
Good. 
Will it kill it quickly and easily? Yes.
Perfect!

Adaptability:
When chatting zombies with people, the topic of scavenging usually makes it's way into the conversation. Being able to adapt random scavenged items into something usable is a vital part of post apocalyptic survival. The same holds true for rating weapons. Being able to take a simple weapon and with some MacGyver like skill, modify it into something much more formidable could be a game changer. Who would have thought a toaster, 2 paper clips, a can of pringles and a lighter could become a zombie's worst nightmare.

Miscellaneous:
For better or worse some weapons could carry with them other elements that could make a difference. If I think of any thing that does't fall into the other categories this is where is will end up.

I think thats about it. I will use this as my basis for ranking each weapon as I work my way through the vast list of zombie dispatching tools out there. If there is something that I've missed that you feel should be in here. Let me know.

It's zombie bashing time

When ever I get talking to someone about their "Zombie Plan" it doesn't take long for the conversation to turn towards weapons. It's one of the top priorities for any good zombie plan. It does't matter how much food and water you have scavenged, where you plan on living or how you are going to fortify your home. If you don't have a solid zombie bashing weapon you are pretty much screwed.

It often turns into a pretty interesting debate on which weapon is best and why. Everyone has their own theory as to the best weapon of choice post apocalypse. Obviously there is no correct answer to this. I think it largely depends on the situation, however I definitely believe that there are some weapons that are better than others. So that being said I'm going to slowly work my way through the vast selection of weapons that could be available and break down what I think the pros and cons of each are, and then eventually rate what I think are the top 10 zombie weapons.

Welcome

According to movies, tv shows, books and video games it's inevitable. It's not a matter of if it will happen, it's a matter of when. Dum Dum DUMM… the Zombie apocalypse.

As the human race evolves this once far fiction situation is eerily becoming more and more plausible. New more powerful viruses are springing up everywhere, whether from natural means, by-products of our lifestyles, or for the conspiracy theorists out there, from some biological experiment in some underground laboratory gone wrong. It seems like it is only a matter of time before you wake up one morning to find your tv broadcasting scenes of the dead coming back to life with an insatiable thirst for flesh, blood and of course brainsssss.

Throughout the years the human race has had a strange addiction with this doomsday prediction (myself included), and it has been explored in thousands of different way. With shows like The Walking Dead popping up these doomsday talks are drastically increasing and I've overheard more than a few conversations of people discussing how to survive the zombie plague. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some wack-job hanging out on city corners wearing a doomsday sign made from cardboard and left over silver paint I was just huffing. But I do enjoy a good conversation about how to survive zombie world, and for some reason I have a bit of a strange interest in all things zombie. More than once I have found myself forming a "Zombie Plan" in my head or talking about the "what if's" with friends. 

The weird part is I have found more than one person out there that has their own "Zombie Plan" and it's strange how similar, or different these can be. So this is where the blog comes in. I have more than enough thoughts bouncing around in my head that having a place to write them all down and share them couldn't hurt. Plus, as I've mentioned, I've meet a fair number of people with their own zombie plans and this could be a great place to share those thoughts. As much fun as it sounds tearing around the city streets by yourself in some jacked up hummer playing your own made up game of zombie roadkill… Eventually playing cards with the mannequin from the lingerie shop, and trying to hold deep conversations with the stray dog you just found by the ransacked Taco Bell is going to to drive you bat shit crazy. So having some friends along may be a good thing.

And hell, you never know. Maybe one day you will find yourself in a blind panic trying to escape a city full of brain munching zombies and the difference between you becoming a legendary post appocalyptic survivalist or a pile of steaming zombie shit in an alley could be this blog.