Tools of the Trade

Like many things in life having the right tool for the job is essential. Trying to twist a screw into a wall using a butter knife is possible, but why would you want to. Also knowing what is required to complete the job, can be just as important as having the right tool. You may know you need to put a screw into a wall, so you grab a screwdriver. However the screw is 3 inches long and you have to screw it into hardwood. I imagine unless you have wrists like Popeye you're going to be wishing you grabbed a drill instead.

Weapons essentially are just tools used to get a job done, a much more gory, mind altering job than normal, but a job none the less. So when you’re picking out a weapon to use against zombies having an understanding of what needs to be done is extremely important.
There is a massive difference between fighting a zombie and, well… anything else and this needs to be understood before you put together your wish list of weapons.

Most people when asked what weapon they would choose immediately go with the bigger the better theory. They picture themselves like Schwarzenegger in Terminator with a chain gun mowing their way through a field of zombies. Sounds good in theory, but when you start thinking about it, you quickly realize that it won’t really work, and here is why.

To explain this and to keep things simple we will compare apples to rotten apples or humans to zombies. The main difference between fighting a human and a zombie is obviously the “one of them is dead” thing. So tactics and weapons that work quite well on a normal living human can be pretty useless against a zombie. A human can be killed in anyone of a number of ways. A gunshot wound to almost anywhere on the body if not treated fairly quickly has the ability to kill. Hit a major organ and it can happen almost immediately, hit an artery and they could bleed out. Hell a gunshot wound to your big toe could kill you if you don’t take care of it and it becomes infected. So a fully automatic weapon against people can be pretty devastating. Now this same weapon against a zombie, not so much. As we have learned the only real way to permanently stop a zombie is to destroy the brain. Unloading a full clip into the their torso may slow them down a bit, but besides making them leak when they eat, it really won’t affect them. They don’t feel pain, so a shot to the leg won’t cripple them unless you manage to destroy the bone to the point that it can no longer support their weight. The “spray and pray” technique so commonly used with fully automatic weapons just won’t cut it. I’m sure a few stray bullets will find their mark and take out a few zombies but really, you are just wasting precious ammo.

This thought process is pretty universal for all weapons when dealing with zombies. It’s more about precision than brute force, and many weapons that can devastate something living can be downright useless against a zombie. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting that fully automatic assault rifle but you have to wonder if you’re using a sledgehammer when a stapler would work better.

Power In Numbers

I had a friend mention to me an interesting fact that I figured would be appropriate to post. It has to do with the concept of why zombies always move in hordes. One of the scariest and most dangerous element of confronting a zombie is in large numbers. One or two zombies, even a small group aren’t that dangerous to your average person. They are easy enough to outrun, outmanoeuvre, or just plain kill when there are only a few. Things start to get dicey when the numbers start getting larger. Like anything there is power in numbers and it couldn’t be more true for zombies. No matter how prepared you are or how well equipped, if you run into enough zombies without a way to escape, you are pretty much toast.

So the real question is why do zombies move in hordes  It’s really one of the most basic concepts behind the zombie lore, but rarely if ever does it get explained, we just simply take it as fact and move on. It’s not like we can travel to a remote area and study zombies in their native environment to gain a better understanding. “Watch as the mother zombie shuffles it’s way through a field looking for brains to feed its young. The gait of the mother zombie is quite slow, but a zombie in it’s natural habitat has little to fear and is one of natures most dangerous predators” (I really hope you read that sentence in your best Australian accent)

So without any actual evidence to work from the best we can do is come up with our own theories and concepts. Zombies are reduced down to their primal instincts, they are driven by hunger and tend to hunt by sight, sound and smell. There isn’t a hell of alot of thought power going on besides, “What’s that noise? Can I eat it? I’m gonna try.” That’s it. So what does this have to do with why zombies end up roaming around together you ask. Allow me to explain.

Let’s start with a bunch of single zombie roaming around aimlessly. Not much of a threat just sort of shuffling around doing what zombies do. Now it won’t take long for one of those zombies to do something that will cause a loud noise. bumping into a car and setting off the alarm, knocking over a trash can, stepping on a cats tail, whatever. So this single zombie creates a noise loud enough that a few other zombies within ear shot come over to investigate. Now you have three zombies making noise. This means more car alarms, more trash cans, and more screeching cats. Which in turn means more noise to attract others that are in the area. It’s a chain reaction, as more zombies show up the noise gets louder which in turn attracts more zombies. I’m sure a few may wander away after a while, but they probably wouldn’t make it far before there was a large enough noise that would catch their attention and bring them back. So basically the theory is that zombie hordes are created because zombies by nature are noisy. Of course this is all conjecture but it seems like a sound enough theory and if it holds true, could give you a decent advantage if you ever found yourself trying to survive post apocalypse.